Notes to Cindy: The Archives

It's been hell for the last eighteen days. We've been struggling for food and I've had no luck even getting an interview. Anya hasn't even had a modeling job until tonight. The last one, on the twenty-fifth of August, wasn't even paid. Everyone has given up on me, except for Anya and the trouble is that everyone is giving up on her, because of her choice to stay with me. I had a long cry lastnight- the first since Ben's Uncle kicked me out and I spent the cold February night shivering beneath the backsteps of a church. Anya's gig is in Brevard, so she'll be gone for a few hours. It's dreadful to be alone. Sammy and Hal are leaving us alone now, because of a sacastic comment that I made. As annoying as they were, I have to admit that I miss their company. I saw Cari while hanging out with Travis at AB Tech. Needless to say, it caused some awkwardness between Anya and I for a while. Then in a matter of a few days, I saw Kevin at the mall, and April and Chelsea {boling} at Walmart. The odd thing about that is that both April and Chelsea, at some point while Anya was with Joey, were a threat to their relationshi, because of Joey's heartless infedelity. She hasn't even been gone for an hour and a half, and I'm already beginning to get anxious. My writer's block has been killing me, especially here lately, because of a recent discovery of the ties between my stories. I did however, finally, create a new full name for Anya. It's "Anya Tamira Straigya." She seems to like it, so I'd say it's a job well done on my part. It's numerilogically correct and everything. Here would be where I insert a present sigh of lonliness. I'm running out of things to say, and it will still be a while before Anya returns. I'll have to smoke another cigarette and ponder how I'll keep myself busy. Well it's getting cold and little noises are beginning to scare me. Someone broke into our tent last week and stole my headphones, my PSP, my camera, a can of spaghettios, two mountain dews, one of Anya's thongs, and either masturbated or had sex on our new air matress. Since then, Sammy, Halo, Anya, and myself have moved up the trail and are slightly more hidden. The nights have gotten fairly cold... actually, bitterly cold... so cold that even body heat under our pile of blankets didn't keep us from shaking for two whole nights, until my father finally brought us our other blanket. Sammy and Halo are being loud and obnoxious, as always. At least they're not having sex; that's the most annoying thing ever. I hope Anya gets back soon. This bed was made for two, not one lonely kid and his notebook. I am happy to see that journaling hasn't become difficult, like my creative writing has. Still, it's nearly imppossible to write with Anya around. She's such a wonderful distraction, but a distraction nonetheless. God, I hate being alone. I used to pray for time to myself, but now it's like every minute is an hour. I always get worried when she leaves. What if something bad happens and she never comes back? What am I to do? I suppose the only answer would be to kill myself before the starvation settles in. It's sad that I have to depend on the few people that care about her and the perverts who just want in her pants to keep us both alive. The fact of the matter is that, without her, I'd be dead or in jail by now. It's been nearly two and a half hours. I'm already starting to worry. I need another cigarette. Well, after this cigarette is finished, I should probably try to sleep before my anxiety cause me to do something stupid, like cut myself or find some stupid way to kill myself. I probably should have taken my cold medicine as soon as she left; then, I might have found it easier to sleep.