Notes to Cindy: The Archives

It's been pretty slow the last couple of weeks. There still hasn't been any luck on jobs, although we did fill out applications at my grandmother's last Friday. Anya was supposed to get paid fifty dollars on her last photo shoot, but she got ripped off. A couple of things have caused my emotions to spiral since then. First, is when she was trying to talk some guy, named Travis, out of some money by flirting with him. She became sneaky and secretive, and I noticed some of the texts. There was some major tension between us for a few days, until I finally snapped and she confessed she had thought about leaving me, because of the way I had been acting, which is ironic, because I was acting weird as a result of being convinced she was going to leave me. Second, is after she was contacted by a porn agency. In desperation for the money, as her phone service is about to be suspended, and we are running low on foodstamps, I reluctantly agreed to let her do it. Yesterday morning, we made sample shots and videos, which was awkward. Then, last night, it just fell apart. Myko came to our tent and wanted to have a threesome. Knowing that she was going into the porn industry, I let it happen, because I thought it would help me cope. Instead, it made everything worse. I had let someone come into our closed, committed relationship. I was distraught, obviously. I didn't know how we could continue to be together, but I couldn't just break up. I love her too much. So, the night dragged on with her trying to talk me out of killing myself and me not seeing any other choice. I did finally calm down. Today has been frustrating. Walmart locked the outlets, Kmart blocked them with plants, and Tuesday Morning put up a sign above theirs, forcing us to the mall, where we hopefully won't be kicked out by security again. Well, this fast day has become slow and long, so I don't really have anything more to say at the moment.