Notes to Cindy: The Archives

It wasn't long after the Halloween Party that things began to accelerate downwards. Anya had began flirting with a man named DJ. Despite by persistance, she continued to lie and assure me that there was nothing to worry about. I know better, obviously, and decided to check her phone while she was sleeping. What I discovered was not necessarily a surprise, but a shock, nonetheless. They were complaining to each other about their respective partners and were having an affair. She was teasing him with the idea of sex. They were proclaiming their love for each other and planning a date. I freaked out. I had, at first, told her to leave, but then we began talking. She confessed that she felt that I had done nothing for her and that she had never truly loved me. I'm not sure exactly how it happened, but I destroyed nearly everything and I practically tried to kill her. Realizing what I had done, I set off to kill myself. Eventually, I decided it was best to talk calmly with her for a while, to let her know just how sorry I was and how much I loved her. I tried to commit myself to psychiactric care, but they just released me. This was all on the twenty-third of October. I'm living with Jasper now, and she with a group of 3 male roomates. Later arguments included her going to stay with DJ in Tennessee behind my back, my decision to get back in touch with Autumn, and several others based on our distrust of each other. Each time, she removes the wedding ring, so to speak, by changing the background of her phone to an image without me, changing her Facebook relationship status to single, telling me to find a different girlfriend, or talking to other guys flirtatiously. Our bond is being held together by a thin, frayed, thread, and I can tell she's falling out of love with me. There's nothing left for me to try in the task of mending it, except sit here and wait, which would be easier if she wasn't avoiding the oppertunity to live with me and, instead, taking advantage of that the fact that she's free to do as she pleases. In the mean time, I have no way of traveling to a job if I could get one, so I'm a lame duck.