Notes to Cindy: The Archives

It felt like I went to bed at around one-thirty to 2 in the morning lastnight, but it was actually more like fifteen before eleven. Mark S. moved downstairs. The other Mark moved up. Today was rather uneventful, which I would normally complain about, but after lastnight. I needed it. I really did. The weekend is finally over. School welcomes me back again. What do I have to do to make it stay after Friday? Hell, Mondays are always half-days anyway. Oh joy, now I've another pathetic reason to hate Mondays. I need to blow this popsicle joint and melt away. Kids are always asking me why I don't just run away. Don't think that I'm going to tell you I haven't considered it, because I'm not going to lie to you, and that would be lying through my teeth. I have considered it- deeply. There are three major things stopping me: One, I'd never be able to see my family again; Two, if I were to leave, I'd leave with Autumn, and she's not ready to go just yet; and Three, the most important reason, if I go, all of my dreams will be ruined- I will never finish High School, I will never go to college, I will never hava a family, I will never publish a book, I will never become a doctor, I will never have a life. I've been running for too long now. It's time for me to rest, to breathe, to settle, to bask, to surrender to the one part of nature I've never fully accepted: that of the human life. I am ready for life and I am ready to show them. I only need cooperation.